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 Deny Conformity
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An account of Shauvon McGill's attempts to deny conformity.
What men really want is not knowledge but certainty. -Bertrand Russell
Shauron's Name Adventures
Posted on September 13, 2006, at 6:35 PM

Part I, In which Shauvon glazes over twelve whole years of his life

According to my mother, she who named me, my name means "Night Hawk" in Gaelic. When she was very pregnant with me (I was 12.5 pounds when I was born, so she was very pregnant), she had a dream. In my mother's dream, she was standing outside at night. A hawk appeared, flew toward her, landed in her arms, and turned into a baby. That baby was me. Anyway, that's how I got my crazy name. The name that would haunt so many teachers. My mom told me recently that it's a combination of Shawn and Steven, and she's correct.

The most commonly used name I receive is "Shuvon," with the emphasis on the second syllable. Shove on is not the correct way to pronounce my name. It's the correct way to move one large thing so that it is on top of something else. I actually met a girl at Purdue last year whose name is Shavonne. Her name is pronounced "Shuv-ON."

One time I got a detention slip with the name "Shavin" on it.

When I was in seventh grade, my gym teacher insisted on calling me shove on. One time, when I was bored in his "health class," he called shove on to get a worksheet back. I was sick of telling him that it's Shauvon, so I yelled "IT'S SHAUVON" and quickly grabbed the worksheet out of his hand. He made me do ten pushups.

Only one teacher, in my entire 12 years of public school, was able to pronounce it correctly on the first try (that I remember). I will name him for you now. Mr. Chef, my fifth grade teacher, had just returned from vacation in Ireland, so he was familiar with Gaelic pronunciations. I tip my hat to you, Mr. Chef.

I guess I should be happy that my high school diploma had my correct name on it. It wouldn't suprise me at all, though, if those idiots at Mt. Vernon Community School Corporation had misspelled it. Considering they did almost every single time they tried in the twelve years I was a student there.

I hope you enjoy reading the stories of my name misadventures as much as I enjoyed living them. Well, I actually hope you don't enjoy it as much as I did. I didn't enjoy it very much at all.

Continue to Part II of Shauron's Name Adventures
TO BE CONTINUED . . .
Peter, on September 13, 2006, at 8:17 PM, said,

I laughed quite a lot when I read this. Are you writing the new monkey emails?

END OF LINE
On September 13, 2006, at 9:59 PM, Your Mom had this to say:

My favorite adventure with your name was that dim-witted receptionist at the pulmonologist's office (who ended up costing us $1,000 because she never did get the insurance approval). Within a minute and a half she came up with three grotesque mutilations of your name...Sharamon, Sormonne, Soupbone...what all did she come up with?

END OF LINE
For the advancement of mankind, rob Cockerham said this on October 2, 2006, at 11:51 AM:

Somewhere out there, there is the Most-mutilated name in the world. Who is it, I wonder.

END OF LINE
For the advancement of mankind, Aaron said this on October 2, 2006, at 4:32 PM:

"Shavin'" BAHAhahah, that's hi-larious.

END OF LINE
On October 3, 2006, at 9:30 AM, Noelle started saying this and still hasn't stopped yet:

I wonder if it has something to do with your birth weight. My daughter was 11 pds 4 ounce, and I named her Hthyelyia, as punishment for the difficult labor.

END OF LINE
The other day, on October 3, 2006, at 4:40 PM, Shauvon said,

I never thought about that. My Mom never lets me forget the fact that I was 12.5 pounds, but she never mentioned that she decided to curse me for life because of it. My sister's name is Ailithir, and she was a regular-size baby. Perhaps my name isn't from spite, then.

END OF LINE
On a quiet night like October 4, 2006, at 11:42 AM, you can still hear Mom again say,

If there was a curse involved in the bestowing of your name, my son, it was this: I prayed that the worst problem you would ever have in life would be your peculiar name. If your name is indeed the worst problem you ever encounter, then I'd say my little "curse" was, in fact, the blessing I intended it to be. Oh, and I think you should just be glad I didn't follow my first instinct and name you something like "Throat-warbler Mangrove Luxury Yacht" or "Snivelling Little Rat-faced Git." I've always wondered what your middle school gym teacher would have made out of a name like that.

END OF LINE
Nhyx, on October 8, 2006, at 12:33 PM, said,

My name gets its fair share of zany adventures, especialy when I was in basic training
Hebert
seems simple enough, but it can be pronounced He-Bert or A-Bear
So I get both, then I get Her-Bert (Don't see where that R comes from)

Basic training was rough, especialy at mail call when we'd have to do pushups to get our letters from home, when there was me. A-Bear and another guy in my platoon Haber.
It took to like week 5 of basic for the Drill Sergeants to get my name right, and I'd have to do extra pushups when they said it wrong for making them look retarded
:-P

END OF LINE


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